The ancestors are calling... They want their money back.. Just kidding.. They're just calling to say, child remember who you are. Do You? Do "i"? "I".. "I" dont have time to talk. Who am "I" that has anything?
Bob Proctor- "Most people dont know who they are, they really dont". "What do you mean?" The interviews asks: "I know my name, I know my age, I know where I live. What else is there.." Bob interrupts: "That's not you though. If you ask the average person who they are, they'll give you their name. They'll say I'm Bob Proctor, but I'm not. Bob and Proctor are two words. My parents gave them to me. They're called names but it's not me, it's my name. Then somebody'll say well this is me [gestures to his body], but this isn't me either, it's my body. Like you never phone down here to the studio and say, "Body won't be in today, it's sick."[ Tom, the interviewer] (chuckling) "Okay". [Bob]: "You know we don't say am hand or am leg. We say my hand, my leg, my body, my name. Who am I? Well that's an interesting question.
Now to answer that, its valueable to question where you come from.
Think about your own history. Your life as an egg actually started in your mother’s developing ovary, before she was born; you were wrapped in your mother’s fetal body as it developed within your grandmother. Before she was born; she was wrapped in her mother’s fetal body as it developed within her grandmother. Before she was born; she were wrapped in her mother’s fetal body as it developed within her grandmother. and so on and so forth. So when you ask the question who am i? prat of the answer is, you are not distinct from all of mankind. you are not distinct from the entire tree of life.
"Scientifically does life begin at conception?" Scientifically life does not begin, life on earth began exactly once and since then life hasnt begun one single time, you are a leaf on a tree that has grown for billions of years. You are not distinct from the planet earth. Do you think these are your carbon atoms or your nitrogen atoms? You are borrowing them and at some point you have to give them back.
Our ancestors worshipped the Sun, and they were not that foolish. It makes sense to revere the Sun and the stars, for we are their children. – Carl Sagan
A Personal Metamorphosis In the winter solstice of 2020 I embarked on a quest, I had no idea where it would take me. The journey isn’t linear, it started way before I was born and will likely continue long after I am dead. It is deeply personal and highly impersonal. It is the story of how a boy dies and a man comes to be. It is a story that hasn’t been written and cannot be materialised. Yet here I am to tell it.
It is a story of polarities, of death and rebirth, of trying to become sane in an insane world, of being perfectly imperfect, of the folly and the wise. My intention is to share as transparently as possible about how my inner landscape is... why, one may ask? Sharing all that I fear, all that I find wrong with the world and myself. Perhaps it will help me to release energy suppressed and constrained, hiding in the shadows of my subconscious mind. I want to re-experience life with the wonder of childhood. I wish no longer to carry the shame of cultural conditions. If I can share, to myself (and to you), how I feel right here and now. That will give me a tool to look back and see the journey and the process I’m going through. Its hard for me to track my progress, some days I just feel like I’m treading water. If you care to join me, you too may realise, that what we fear may be irrational. Perhaps following my journey will spark understanding, compassion & courage. or maybe you will get triggered, find me ridiculous, if so, feel free, my inner judge is most likely ahead of you anyways. I’m walking around the hot porridge, waiting for some ungraspable feeling to come my way and tell me, now I’m there, healed, ready to take life by the horns! But I find instead that the goal stays in the horizon, like chasing a rainbow.
Crossroads of Destiny Scientifically, life does not begin and although i can only give you the tip of the iceberg. We have to start the story somewhere. 24 months ago I had my initiation. This was the plot twist on my heroes journey, taking me into the underworld. I kid you not. It was the day of the dead, aka Halloween, Samhain, it was dusk and I was climbing trees in an ancient burial mound. As I’m enjoying the smell of resin and the complete enchantment of the birds view of the holy grounds, the branch I stand on breaks, the branch I hold on to takes my weight and breaks as well. I remember falling through the air, watching the pine branches passing me by, faster and faster as I completely relaxed, my subconscious knowing, “the rope will catch me, I’m safe”. At least that is what I’ve taught my body through falling in climbing and highlining.
But there was no rope... it was like the surrender of drowning in a dream, I think it was fortunate that I hit the ground completely relaxed and passed out. When my consciousness came back down from the tree tops I look up only to see dark silhouettes.
My mother and friends are there, holding my body in an awkward position. It takes a while before i understand where I am and what had happened. The most dominant feeling as I was laying there was shame and humiliation. “I’m sorry for ruining the walk” I mutter, as I get put on to the bare and are carried into the ambulance. I crunched a disk in my neck, tore a ligament in my left wrist and broke my right arm, thankfully I was able to get complex surgeries from fantastic doctors and I’m very grateful today that I got through so cheap.
Regardless, falling 7 meters to your head leaves a concussion and a trauma that has left a mark on me.
Since then, I have struggled a lot with my mental health. The sensory experience of life has become overwhelming, I’ve been in a constant stress response, these symptoms have before hand been non-relatable to me, but I understand now, those of you who knows what I’m talking about knows, the rest, I ask for patience. Whiplash, Concussion, PTSD, you can read about it and understand, but it all hits different people differently and it is impossible to understand what it means, but I digress.
Its been 24 months since I fell from that tree. It’s been a wavy journey, I’ve been high and hopeful, feeling blessed to be alive and the joy of living has been more beautiful than ever in my life, the first 10 months I was flying high, feeling held, supported, loved, cared for. Then came my 27th birthday in August and I can’t tell you exactly what happened.
I’ve noticed cycles in my life before, usually autumn comes with a melancholy that is hard to grasp, but this time it was different. This time it was depression.
Depression can be so many things, the word itself feels out watered. Its hard to put a finger on. Apathy, despair, anguish, gloom, misery, agony, disheartening, blues. Its hard to put your finger on. Initially I thought I was just having a bad day, I’m familiar with that, but as the bad days turned into bad weeks and bad months and my behaviour and internal landscape went darker than I’ve ever experienced a winter depression go, I started to realise, this was deeper.
Sure I’ve been mad at my partner before, I might’ve even have yelled and acted out of hurt when things have gotten intense. But we were beyond rational. I would break out in anger beyond reason for questions like, “do you want milk in your coffee?”. “DONT YOU KNOW I’M FUCKING OVERWHELMED, WHY DO YOU ASK ME SUPERFICIAL QUESTIONS LIKE THAT, CANT YOU TAKE A FUCKING DECISION, I DONT CARE?!” I was possessed. I would go weeks forgetting when was the last day I woke up without feeling like I wish I didn’t.
And this is partly what I wish to share with you. I want to share my monster with you, the monster inside of me, that longs to suffer, that manifests situations in my life, to affirm its existence, that controls my behaviours to stay alive. It has many faces and knows many tricks, spreading lies in my head, using fear, addiction, shame and secrets and whatever weakness it can muster up.
Your body is a temple, they say. My body is a kingdom and for the last year this kingdom has been under siege. The throne has been ruled by dark forces, wizards casting weather manipulative spells, keeping the clouds heavy and dense around my kingdom. The walls have grown mossy and the kingdom pale.
But recently i had a divine meeting with a hedgehog, she who took me to the land of the dead and showed me, that the sun still shines behind the clouds.
This encounter strengthened me, more than you can rationalize. It changed me completely, it immobilized the evil wizards magic and brought sunlight back down in my kingdom, it burned the ghouls and vampires that was feeding on my heritage and gave me strength to rebuild my fortifications, create a moat and scrub clean my walls.
Unearthing the Power of Ancestors
The journey isn’t linear, it started way before I was born and will likely continue long after I am dead.
This process has changed me, it has robbed me of all the illusions of who i thought i was and forced me to reflect deeper, question harder and be more honest with myself than ever before.
And as humbling as it was, this challenging process also opened up a door within me - a door to the sacred wisdom of my ancestors. This journey hasn't just been about me. It's about something bigger, about exploring a forgotten connection, about hearing voices silenced for
To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root. - Chinese Proverb
Reconnecting with the Ancestral Echo The journey towards personal transformation is a quest into the depths of ancestry. You see, when we rekindle the connection with our predecessors, we unlock an immense treasure of wisdom. This wisdom can shape our perspective, influence our decisions and ultimately drive our transformation.
Ancestry isn't solely about lineage - it's also about legacy. The legacy of dreams, aspirations and the courage of our ancestors that shaped their lives, indeed, shaped history itself. Many cultures around the world have specific ceremonies or celebrations dedicated to honoring ancestors.
Finding Strength in Legacy My personal transformation didn't occur (although it sometimes felt that way) in isolation - my ancestors paved the way. Their strength during trials, their joy in victory, their resilience in the face of adversity; these weren't just stories. They extended beyond the pages of history and into the reality of my life, serving as powerful guiding pillars for my journey.
Essentially, we are the living embodiment of our ancestors. Their experiences and traits are encoded within us, offering a wealth of knowledge and wisdom we can tap into as we navigate our paths. So often, the answers we seek about ourselves and our future can be discovered by looking backwards.
Often, we underestimate our ancestors, viewing them as primitive or underdeveloped when compared to our technologically advanced society. Yet, they possessed a profound understanding of the world around them, despite the limited resources and tools at their disposal. Their wisdom, garnered from living closely with nature and surviving harsh conditions, truly defies our comprehension. Skills, like interpreting the rhythm of seasons or therapeutic uses of plants, were woven into their everyday life, indicating a depth of knowledge we struggle to rediscover. Hence, when we dismiss them as under-evolved, we do a grave injustice to their resilience, intelligence, and capacity for innovation.
Living the Learning In honouring our ancestral heritage, I have grown and evolved in ways I could never have imagined. It has instilled a deep sense of purpose, a profound gratitude for their sacrifices, and an intense respect for their struggles and triumphs.
To truly honour our ancestry is to live, love, dream and achieve, with integrity and courage, just as they did. Embracing this transformation meant not just hearing the whispers of the past, but understanding them and integrating their teachings into the reality of my present. One day i will become an ancestor and today i will do my best to give the future generations the nutritional soil needed to continue growing this billion year old tree.
The powerful culmination of my personal transformation journey has resulted in one fundamental realization- Our ancestors live within us, their wisdom echoes in our souls and their legacy can guide our transformation, if only we take the time to listen. Welcome to my story. This is a grandiose introduction to my intention. I promise you, what is coming won’t be and yet, in its whole, it will carry much more splendour, I hope. Thank you for checking in with me, i wish you a beautiful day, i encourage you to take a deep breath and go forward with the things that inspire you truly, in your ancient heart and soul.
We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn. - Henry David Thoreau